It was a cold evening last night and the electricity has been gone for several hours... I couldn't sleep and my body is still active... Amidst the cold and very lazy ambiance, I am very much awake and imagining things... Then when the electricity is back, I tried to look at my FB account and saw the pictures of 2 of the longest couple I know got married and had their shots taken before the wedding... I was thinking that life can be so patient when you have the reason to be patient... And it gives you meaningful outcome in life... Then it made me realize one thing, I have to move on and accept the things that come my way for me to enjoy life....
I have posted this shoutout on my FB page: "i have to let go, move on, settle things, start again, stop the madness, be happy for others, forgive, swallow my pride, learn from mistakes and enjoy life" I really don't know what occurred in my mind but something tells me that I have to do all these things... If given a chance I would like to do these all alone without the help of someone... But I guess, I will never be able to accomplish it... lol...
1. I have to let go and move on
>> Seeing the things happening to me right now, with the imagination to reality, I have to say that I definitely need to move on... I am still trapped in imagining things that could have happened 2 years ago... I am still imagining the wedding that was supposed to happen, the things that we planned together, the endless drinking sessions with our friends... Yes, I am still imagining, what could have happened if I got married 2 years ago, will I be in this situation right now? Apparently not... For the reality, it is quite obvious that I really need to let go, for the same reason that I have been writing for my previous blogs...
2. I need to settle things
>> This part is quite a broad statement... I need to settle my bills, my debts and my misunderstandings with closest friends... I just need to settle them once and for all for my peace of mind, so that I can finally move on without a burden in my heart...
3. I have to start again and stop the madness
>> This is somewhat kinda the same with the first one... I need to start again from scratch... I love again myself more... I need to hear myself out and be myself again... I need to have sometime alone and analyze the things that happened to me in the past years...
4. I have to be happy for others
>> Sometimes, I can't help but get envious with others who found their happiness... I actually love seeing my friends being happy, but sometimes I wonder why am I not that happy? Maybe because I am so envious with them that I pull myself down... I know I need to be happy for them and enjoy what I have to be happy as well... Life can be so joyful, if you found the joy with what you have and do... Start to look on the positive side of things and the feeling will be as fulfilling as ever...
5. I have to forgive and swallow my pride
>> I have been out of our home for about 2 years now.. I know that it is very stressful and alone... Sometimes I think why did I left home only to find out that I had a misunderstanding with my mom... I go home once in a while but when I go home, I still find ways not be home all the time... I don't know why, but maybe I have found the meaning of "independence" but in the end, I know and feel that I need to be home to start my life again
6. I have to learn from mistakes and enjoy life
>> This pretty much defines what I feel right now... I have to think of all the mistakes that I did in the past and try to look for the lessons I learned, what did these mistakes did to me to become a better person? Did i became a better person? Sometimes I think that I changed, sometimes I think I am still the same, but whatever it is, I know that I am not the same person like I was yesterday, and yesterday became my past, whatever it is that happened yesterday can be forgotten, or it can be remembered, but nonetheless, I am not the same person, because everyday has given you the chance to know a bit more of life...
As the night goes by last night, I didn't realize that the time has ticked so fast... it was morning already and I am still thinking of that wedding... hahaha... talk about moving on... But I know that this realization that I have, it will make me grow a better person in me...
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